Having an affair with the girl. So what’s going on?

Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. They can also - more commonly
- be damaging, destructive, cruel, painful, time-wasting and demeaning.

But what is an affair? Well, what it’s not is a drunken fumble at the firm’s Christmas party.
It isn’t a one-night stand either. Neither is it a romance between
two people who are both free of other entanglements.

An affair is a sexual relationship that lasts more than one night
 where at least one of the lovers is publicly committed to someone else.

And, sadly, affairs inevitably hurt someone and frequently they hurt
all the parties involved including children, if there are any.
Some affairs of course end happily for the couple - let’s face it,
plenty of good second marriages began as illicit romances -
 but the vast majority of extra-marital liaisons don’t end in a new marriage or relationship.
 In fact I estimate that at least 80 per cent end up unhappily
and cause misery all round. So starting an affair is not a brilliant
 step to take - and yet people do it all the time.

It’s quite common for folk caught up in affairs to ask agony
aunts like me whether affairs can ‘help a marriage’.
They also ask if affairs can be ‘harmless,’ or ‘just a bit of fun’.

And often a single person who is romantically involved with a married
one will ask if I think that his or her lover will ever leave home.
 Frequently in such situations single people feel quite desperate that
 yet another year has gone by in which they’ve had to live a lie and
 in which they’ve had to spend another birthday or Christmas or New Year alone.

People also ask for advice about whether or not to leave a hopeless marriage and
start again with someone they love. And worried spouses frequently ask agony aunts,
 therapists and lifecoahces how to tell if a partner is being unfaithful. 

Stumble it!